1.
Two Albanians were in a ditch digging for low pay, and one of the guys said, "How come we're down here slaving away, and that foreman up there is just writing in his little notepad?"
"I don't know, I'll go an ask em." He trudged up the steep slope and asked the foreman, "How come you're up here and we're down there?"
The foreman answered, "Brains."
"What's brains?"
The foreman held up his notepad to a steel pole. "Hit this notepad as hard as you can."
"Why?" queried the ditch-digger.
"Just do it."
The guy takes a runup and charges for it. At the last second, the foreman moved the notepad and, I swear, the guy drove his hand an inch into the steel pole!
"FUCKIN' HELL! WHADYA DO THAT FOR?!" he roared.
"Brains." replied the cool-headed foreman.
Down he trudged to his companion, who was still waiting. "Well, did ya find out why?"
"Yea, brains."
"What's brains?"
Eager to show his new knowledge to his friend, he held his hand up to his face and said, "Hit this hand as hard as you can."

2.
There are six people in a plane, a pilot, co-pilot, the President of US, the smartest man in the world, and a father with his son. The plane is going down but there are only five parachutes.
The pilot comes on the intercom and says, "Well this is it! I'm taking a chute because without me we cannot fly anywhere."
Co-pilot says, "Without me the pilot can't fly."
The US President says, "I have the Country to run, so I'm taking one."
The smartest man says, "I'm the smartest man in the world. Without me...you guys are a bunch of idiots."
The father says, "Son, you take the last one. You have a life to live.
Son says, "But Dad...
Father says, "No arguments son. Just take it.
Son says, "But Dad...
Father says, "Son, we don't have much time...
Son says, "But Dad...
Father says, "Please son...just take it and jump...
Son says, "But Dad! Listen! The smartest man in the world...he just grabbed my school bag and jumped!"

.....ahahahaha just pauce for a sec, and think a minute....