Is being fearful like that moment of jumping out of a plane in skydiving? A little push it's a long way down. You feel butterflies, sick to your stomach yet at the same time you feel this deliberation. This freedom as you fall, fall so fast that you don't even have time to really be scared. The wind brushing up against our face, no one, nothing to hold you back, you lose yourself like this eternal freedom, wishing that this thrill would never stop. Even if the ground is near.

I don't know if I ever really fell in love before. The movies novels all make it so great, maybe it's like that skydiving feeling. At first you are fearful but once you let yourself go you feel like flying this rush this freedom. If that were true I think I was in love many times. It's like skydiving. You have to pull the parachute and land on the ground. You lose that feeling. You lose that connection of freedom. That thrill
gravity pulls you to reality.

This may sound stupid but I think I have skydived once too many times. Although the thrill builds up each time it was never the same as the first. I didn't know what to expect. Now I know how it takes its course from that first jump that excitement to reaching the ground the ending. Thus the disappointment.

I really don't care so much for that initial jump anymore. Do I really need that five second cheap thrill? I just wish that after the jump that feeling of being free that joyfulness mixed with fear would last forever and that I would never see the ground. Inevitably the ground will be there to greet me but what if I made that after the jump feeling last for as long as I can.

A lot of people are afraid to try. They just go jump out of the plane and enjoy that five second cheap thrill. They I think have given up they don't remember the first time they skydived. That after the jump those senses of losing themselves in the sky almost like flying, they don't want to set themselves up for disappointment because they know that feeling won't last forever because they ground is near.

I've already jumped out and gotten my five second cheap thrills. I am free in the air flying so ever freely. Falling I don't feel that rush but I do feel this joyfulness. I am laughing. Thinking that even if this time I can't make this feeling last forever at least Iknow that I�ve tried. I am not afraid of hitting the ground the ground will always be there. Maybe I am afraid of losing myself. Losing myself to this mass of air the sky belonging to nothing no one. Maybe this time I won't need a parachute. Maybe this time someone is waiting on the ground to catch me. If not it would be a hard fall.I am not afraid of falling, just that of losing myself.